Captain America Popsicles
by TheMajesticLoki
Summary: Tony finds out that there are, in fact, Captain America popsicles. He's interested in Steve's reaction to discovering this, but things don't quite go as planned. A bit of Steve/Tony subtext at the end. Mentions of Tony sucking on Steve's fruit-flavored stick of ice. Just a funny fic that I wrote in a few hours.


They'd had Captain America popsicles at the grocery store.

Tony had been ecstatic when he'd seen them, and had promptly bought a few dozen packages, thrilled at the new chance to tease his star-spangled friend about his seven decade stay buried under the ice.

He sat on the sofa in the living room on the 90th floor at 7 in the evening, a time when he would usually be working, eating the popsicles (capsicles) and smirking at the thought of Steve's expression when he realized there were, in fact, Captain America popsicles, and that Tony had bought over four hundred of them.

The first person to walk in on Tony eating the popsicles, however, was not Steve, but Thor.

"Man of Iron!" Thor boomed, looking like an overly cheerful golden retriever, as usual. "What is it that you're feasting upon?"

"Capsicles," replied Tony. "They're like popsicles, but with Captain America."

"That sounds marvelous!" said Thor. He paused. "What's a popsicle?"

"It's like, flavored frozen ice on a stick," explained Tony.

"That sounds… most intriguing, my friend," Thor told him, looking vaguely disgusted. "We do not have anything like that on Asgard."

"Here, try one, they're nice," Tony ordered, throwing one of the popsicles at Thor.

Looking worried, Thor unwrapped the popsicle and tentatively bit off the end. "Cold!" he shouted, so loudly that the box of popsicles shook on the table beside him.

"It tastes good though, no?" Tony asked.

Thor considered this, licking the side of the popsicle. "Indeed, it does. It rather reminds me of some of the fruits in Asgard." With that, Thor reached over and took the entire box of popsicles and left the room.

The second person to discover Tony's new habit was Natasha. She had found him nibbling on his twelfth popsicle at 5 in the morning, fiddling with one of the gauntlets of his suit on the kitchen table.

"Of course, you would be the one to buy Captain America popsicles," she muttered, brushing past him to pour herself a cup of coffee.

"Of course I would," Tony forced out from behind his mouthful of popsicle, spewing little bits of blue ice onto the table in front of him. "Why would I miss a chance to tease our favorite Captain?"

"Tony, don't talk with your mouth full, that's disgusting," she ordered, glaring at him.

Tony was sure to swallow before speaking again, not liking the way Natasha's piercing look of hatred felt colder than the popsicle. "So you knew these existed, then?"

"Of course I knew. They have popsicles of you, too, by the way."

"Really?" Tony smirked. "So you can suck on the great Tony Stark?"

"No, actually, I prefer to suck on Hawkeye," she said emotionlessly, with an emotionless expression. Her whole disposition was so emotionless, in fact, that the meaning of her words did not sink in immediately.

"Hey, wait a minute, wha-" Tony started.

Natasha merely raised an eyebrow, then disappeared out the door.

"Hey Brucie, want a capsicle?" Tony asked, offering one of the Captain America popsicles to his friend and fellow scientist.

"Um, no thank you," Bruce said, not looking up from his research.

"But Bruucciee, they have Steve on them," Tony begged.

"That's nice, Tony."

Tony sighed. It was past noon, and he had eaten way too many popsicles in less than twenty-four hours. He was honestly starting to feel a bit sick, but Steve hadn't shown up yet. He must persevere, if only for the look on Steve's face.

"Hey Tony," Clint said, dropping from the ceiling. Tony managed not to drop his popsicle in surprise. "Have you eaten enough Captain America popsicles yet?"

"No," Tony said stubbornly. It was 3:30 in the morning, and Tony was not going to give up.

"How do you not have a brain freeze yet?" Clint asked, looking a bit worried. "Are you melting them or something?"

"I don't know," replied Tony. "And no, they're still ice cold, just like my heart."

"Lol," said Clint.

"Lol," said Tony, because they both knew that Tony didn't have a heart.

"Seriously though," Clint said seriously. "How many are you up to now?"

"I lost count," Tony admitted.

"Son, I think you have an addiction," Clint told him.

"I know right, I just love sucking on Steve," he replied.

"You enjoy seductively licking Steve's fruit-flavored stick of ice?" Clint asked.

"Indeed, I do," answered Tony. "It's just so long and delicious and-"

"AHEM," said a voice from behind them.

"Oh hey Steve," said Tony, turning around to see, guess who, Steve.

"_What_ are you _talking_ about?!" shouted Steve, his cheeks tinged pink.

"Well, I found these awesome Captain America popsicles, and I thought it was appropriate, because they're Capsicle capsicles, and you were frozen in the ice-"

"Tony was actually just describing his fantasies to me," Clint interrupted loudly. Steve blushed even deeper.

"Um," said Tony. "That is not-"

"Well, I'll just be going now," Clint said, looking pleased with the awkward environment he'd created. He skipped out of the room gracefully with a smug expression on his face, leaving Steve and Tony do deal with the fact that Tony apparently thought Steve's long, fruit-flavored stick of ice was delicious, at three thirty in the morning.


End file.
